CHRIST AND THE CHURCH: THE PATTERN FOR THE HOME

Lesson 13

Ephesians 5:22–33

Wives and Husbands

This paragraph has received more unfavorable attention in our day than any other part of the Epistle to the Ephesians. Paul is dealing with a relationship which is undergoing great changes in our age. What is the proper relationship between husbands and wives? Our time prefers to look upon that relationship as one of equality, as two equals bound together by voluntary ties. This is the democratic ideal and gets away from the so-called antiquated view which is still found in certain places in human society today, but not in enlightened circles!

Paul begins this section in a way that jolts many today. He tells wives to be in subjection to their own husbands! He has been maligned as one who is a woman hater. Was he not unmarried? Is he speaking the language of his own day and is he not adopting the common views of his society? The answer to these and similar questions gets to the heart of the “problem.” It is essentially a question of the view of Scripture one possesses. Is Paul giving his own view of these matters or is this paragraph also inspired by the Spirit of God? If one does not hold to the latter position, nothing in the Pauline writings is normative for the man of today. He does not only speak of this matter in this paragraph but he refers to it again and again in his various letters to churches and individuals. It is, therefore, a very important matter. It must be properly understood in order to have the proper view of the most basic of human relationships!

“Be Subject”

Wives are, therefore, to be subject to their husbands. Why? Because he is the wiser of the two? Because he always has the better judgment? Of course not! Why? Because God says so! Men may think themselves wiser than God and reverse His order, but they will pay the price! His Word stands. This subjection is the stumbling block for many. But, the Apostle makes it very clear in the following verses how the rule of the one and the subjection of the other are to be understood. Here he simply says that she is to be subject to her husband as unto the Lord. The husband is standing in the place of the Lord—he has received an office. He will be responsible to the Lord for the way he governs his house. Let the wife therefore not be blinded by all the inadequacies of her husband, but let her look on him as representing the Lord in her home.

The Husband Is Head

He emphasizes this relationship even more in verse 23. He says very clearly that the husband is the head of the wife! That is the reason she must be subject. This is the way in which the Creator has formed the first home. Adam was created first –then Eve. Some may not like this divine arrangement, but, who can argue that that is not the manner in which the Bible always presents the matter? To make it clear that this is not a relationship under which the one suffers hardship, Paul immediately adds: “as Christ also is the head of the church.” If there would be a different relationship between Christ and the church than the one spoken of here, Christ would be dethroned and the church would be lost! So important is it, therefore, to see the husband–wife relationship in the proper light. The wife is not called to servile subjection, but natural subjection. Not as a slave, but in love. Christ is the Savior of the body, the church. He, though the head of the body, is seeking its welfare. If the church should seek a place equal to that of Christ, she would destroy herself! The church must be subject to Christ in order to obtain salvation. This is not a galling yoke, no, His commands are not grievous. So are the wives to be subject to their own husbands “in everything.” This last phrase does not mean slavish subjection, regardless of what he may require, but, rather, subjection as the common pattern of life.

Husbands Commanded to Love

Husbands are commanded to love their wives! Can we love at command? Yes, and if a husband no longer loves his wife he is disobedient! This apostolic statement presupposes the Biblical view of love. Not as modernity would have it—involving only the emotions; but a love which is deep and involves the whole person. Husbands love your wives in that way. They are herein also to follow the pattern shown them by Christ. He loved the church! What kind of love was that? Sacrificial! He gave His life for her. That is the way husbands are to love their wives and it will then not be difficult for the wife to be subject to her husband!

The metaphor which the Apostle uses in this section cannot be pressed in all its various parts. This is true concerning the words we find in verses 26 and 27. The main point of the illustration may never be lost from sight, but all of the details cannot be applied to both Christ’s relation to the church and the marriage relationship among men. Christ has given Himself for the church so that He might set her apart (sanctify), and that He might cleanse her “by the washing of water with the word.” Without doubt a reference is here made to baptism. However, baptism in association with the Word! Let no one derive a faulty view of baptism from this verse, but let everyone see it in its context. By baptism He indeed cleanses, i.e., baptism is a symbol of this cleansing. However, that baptism never stands alone but is united to the word and in that way the cleansing goes on! It is a life-long process. In this way the Lord will finally present a church to Himself which has neither spot nor wrinkle, but is a glorious and cleansed church. The people of his day understood Paul when he referred to these things, especially the Jews among them. However, they must also have wondered at the language of the Apostle when he speaks as he does here. It was customary among the Jews that a bride would prepare herself for her wedding day. But, Paul says that Christ prepares His bride! The metaphor, therefore, is altered a little in these two verses, but that is common in the Pauline writings. What illustration shall he choose which will cover both the divine and human relations? His emphasis here is on the fact that Christ cares for His church and sees to it that that church shall be holy and without blemish. Now, “even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies.” So close is the bond between Christ and His church and between husband and wife that be is able to say that the husband who so loves his wife—loves himself! Where do the duties lie—on the side of the wife or on that of her husband? On neither, or both, because it is a work of love!

Of course, no one hates his own flesh. (There are too many who conceitedly love it too much) Each person, of course, seeks the welfare of his own body. Otherwise that body becomes sick and malfunctions. Therefore a person nourishes and cherishes it. Christ nourishes and cherishes His church. Seeing that we are members of His body we must emulate Him. We must, as husbands, bestow that loving care on our wives which Christ bestows on His church. Then our relationship to Christ is shown in clear light.

Beginning at the Creation—One Flesh

The Apostle now goes all the way back to the time of creation to show that the things he has been teaching concerning the true relationship of husbands and wives goes all the way back to the beginning. The command was there given that a man (and woman?) should leave father and mother and cling to his wife when they have been joined in marriage. Naturally, this was a command to future generations because Adam had no father or mother to leave. The emphasis falls on the unity of the two who have entered the marriage state. They shall become one flesh. They shall be one in mind and in heart (how shall two walk together except they be agreed?) but there shall also be a sexual union –a union of bodies. All of a man’s attention must be focused on his wife. Even that close relation which he had to his father and mother may not stand in the way of his relationship to his wife. He must forsake the former to cling to the latter. This is the way marriage was intended to be from the beginning! This is the way marriage is renewed through our union with the Christ of God! Christian marriage is a symbol of the union of Christ and His church. Therefore a religiously mixed marriage is wrong! How can an unbelieving husband be a symbol of Christ? How can an unbelieving woman be the symbol of His church? Mixed marriage is, therefore, basically wrong and it is not wrong, first of all, because it doesn’t work!

A Mystery–Applied

“This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church.” This seems to be a strange statement in the middle of this discussion. We also have to be careful that we do not give a wrong or fanciful meaning to these words, as has often been done. In the first place, by the term mystery Paul always means that which had not been revealed before but now is revealed. He is here, I believe, emphasizing the same thing I emphasized earlier, viz., that the metaphor is insufficient to cover all of the various parts of the relationship of Christ and the church and of husband and wife. The marvelous love which Christ exhibited to His church cannot be equalled, but it is the goal for which we are to strive. Even though he is speaking regarding Christ and the church, nevertheless, husbands are to love their wives according to the pattern shown them by Christ. That love must be deep and it must be self-sacrificing. There must be no doubt that the man has this kind of a love for his wife. On the other side, the wife must see to it that she fears or has respect for her husband. This latter, of course, does not rule out the love she must have for him, nor could his love for her rule out the respect he must have for his wife.

Wherever these rules of marriage are not recognized or obeyed, marriage fails to achieve its purpose. We must again get back to the Biblical view of the true marriage bond, or our problems will multiply in this important area of life. The place of the one is not devalued for the sake of the other, as is so often assumed today. Only when we follow the teachings of Scripture will we have the fullness of life.

Questions for discussion:

1. Does this paragraph in Ephesians have anything to say concerning the matter of Women in Office? If so, what does it teach concerning it?

2. What does the “headship” of the husband mean? Is there the danger that this shall become a dictatorship?

3. What is wrong with coming to a decision together, as husband and wife, after full discussion? Do you think this paragraph forbids this?

4. Can we love at command? What counsel would you give someone who states that he or she simply no longer loves the other party in the marriage relationship?

5. Do mixed marriages sometimes “work.” Does this mean that it isn’t always wrong?

6. The Bible deals with the marriage relationship in many places. Why have we had many committees to study what would be proper guidelines for marriage? Why did we need many committees to study the matter of divorce?

   

OF CHILDREN AND SLAVES

Lesson 14

Ephesians 6:1–9

At the beginning of this last chapter the writer singles out certain groups in the church at Ephesus for whom he has a special word. This implies, of course, that these (children, slaves, masters) were in the church service where this apostolic letter was read. He often singles out particular groups in the churches to which he writes. All the members of the church were expected to be present when the great event of receiving a letter of Paul occurred. So it ought to be throughout time and throughout the church. The gospel speaks to each one and no one has a right to be absent where the Spirit of God speaks.

“Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord”

Paul addresses the children with a command which is derived from the fifth commandment and he quotes that commandment in the second verse. A child is to be obedient to its parents. This is the teaching of nature and all of life. The child may not be in the position in which it commands! The child is in need of being led and of being instructed. It must therefore listen to those who are older and wiser. But, the children of believers are not only taught by nature, they are especially taught by the Word of God. They must not obey because no other behavior is possible for them, but they must obey willingly and gladly “in the Lord.” He requires it and what He requires is right.

In the second verse the Apostle quotes the first part of the fifth commandment. This commandment does not speak first of all of obeying father and mother, but of honoring them. This is an important distinction. At no time does the child arrive at the age when he is not to honor his parents, but the time for obeying them is limited. Honoring them is, therefore, of a more fundamental nature. It will include the obedience which is required in the early year s of life. By bringing the proper honor the child gives evidence of a true love for his parents. And . . . that is the heart of the law! Obedience may be because of fear of the consequence of disobedience, etc., but honor reveals love and devotion.

“Commandment with Promise”

This is the first commandment with promise, says Paul. Is that entirely correct? Does not the second commandment already include a promise that He will show loving kindness to thousands of those who love Him and keep His commandments? Different explanations have been given of this seeming error. We should remember that the promise found in the second commandment is general in nature and could have been attached to any of the ten commandments. Secondly, he is not necessarily using the term “first” in a numerical sense. Here a promise is attached to a specific commandment which has meaning for the keeping of this commandment only.

The promise is now quoted: that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. However, this promise has also given difficulty to many. It surely is not true that every obedient child will live to a ripe old age? Would that not be the natural meaning of the wording of this promise? In dealing with the ten commandments it certainly becomes evident to everyone that a key sin is mentioned but that each one of these commandments is much broader in scope than the particular sin which is mentioned. The Heidelberg Catechism makes this very clear in its treatment of each one of the commandments of the decalogue. It then becomes clear that the fifth commandment does not only deal with the relationship of parent-child, but also of government-governed, of employer-employee etc. When one considers how far this commandment reaches, the promise included in this commandment becomes clear. If this commandment is transgressed in all the various relationships of life, there would be utter chaos! This would make life impossible. Only where there is a well-ordered life, in obedience to this commandment, can a people look for a lengthy life in the land which the Lord gives to them. A home, a society, a government can endure only where this commandment is honored!

Fathers’ God-Given Trust

The fifth commandment speaks to parents as well as to children. It is true that the children are to obey, but the parents must also insist on this obedience and make it as easy as possible for the child to be obedient. The author addresses the fathers in particular. They are the ones who are responsible for maintaining the proper relationship in the home. The father is the “head” of the home. He is also the one who enforces discipline in the home. Paul makes it clear to fathers that they do not have all the rights and the children all the duties. The child has duties but he also has rights. The fathers must not provoke their children to wrath. That is a real danger! This can be done by physical means or mental or even spiritual means. Parents sometimes deprive their children of all hope and of the joy of life. This is an abuse of the position their God has given to them as fat hers. Instead, they must nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. To be a father is a tremendously responsible task. It is not enough that a father provide food and clothing and other such necessities, but he must nurture them, bring them up, teach them the things of the Lord. The eternal welfare of his children must certainly be of as great concern to a father as their material welfare. Who is sufficient unto these things? When a father is true to his calling as a father, he will make it much easier for the child to obey the fifth commandment. This will insure God’s blessing on both. This will also insure a church made up of strong families who bow before the Word of God.

Duty of Christian Slaves

The second specific group which the Apostle addresses are the servants and masters within the church. Many have been disappointed because this author does not condemn slavery and do his utmost to uproot it. Isn’t slavery totally inconsistent with Christianity? Of course! However, the approach which Paul takes to this problem is not revolutionary. He brings up the subject in almost all of his epistles and the message is always the same: servants (or slaves) be satisfied with your lot in life; and masters, treat your servants well. We may, however, not lose sight of the fact that he is destroying the institution of slavery with the Word much more effectively than any revolutionary has ever done. If slaves and masters both heed the teachings he gives them, slavery will be destroyed from within, which is far more effective than attacking it from without. It must, therefore, also be observed that Paul never upholds slavery. The gospel has come into that particular social and economic setting and seeks to remold all of life from within.

Paul counsels the slaves to be obedient to those who are their masters according to the flesh. That is the proper place of slaves. If they do not render obedience, they have denied the relationship in which they stand to their masters. But, they must remember, these are only masters over the flesh, not over the spirit. It is well possible to find a slave who is much more free than his master. But, be obedient to masters because it has, for the present, pleased God to place them over you. Do so with fear and trembling. By these two terms he does not mean that they should grovel before their masters but that they should be conscientious in doing the tasks assigned to them and that they should be sincere in their attitude to their masters. They must bring service as though they are bringing it to the Christ Himself. Suddenly the master over their flesh has assumed the place of Christ. This teaching is important for them in doing their work properly.

Serving as Unto the Lord

This manner of bringing proper service is so important that he spends a few more verses on this same topic. They must not try to be well-pleasing to men while the heart isn’t in it. They must work as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. This will become evident to all over a period of time. Only when they conduct themselves in this way will the masters, whether they be believers or unbelievers, have to come to the conclusion that these people have a different Source of life and a different goal than others. Again Paul says that they are to do service with a good will as unto the Lord, and not unto men. After all, they are rendering service to Christ regardless of the position in life He has given them. That they have this position of servants isn’t so bad either, because their Lord assumed that same role voluntarily on their behalf. Must they all be rulers while their Lord became a servant? He also reminds them that the Lord will reward every good thing which they have done and it makes no difference whether they were bond or free when they did these good deeds. Here again the Apostle emphasizes the good–works of believers even though he has shown so clearly in the first chapters that salvation is of the Lord alone. Nevertheless, good works must come to light as fruits of the faith which has been instilled within them. This obedient faith brings forth fruits which the Lord rewards.

Duty of Christian Masters

The last word in this connection is addressed to the masters. There were some of these among the members of the church because the gospel had not only been preached to the down-and–outs. These masters must also show in their relation to their slaves that they have been changed by the gospel. Paul tells them to do the same things to them, meaning the slaves. He, of course, does not mean that these masters must be obedient to the slaves! No, but he has taught the slaves to seek the welfare of their masters in the work and manner of work they did; so must the masters now also seek the welfare of their slaves! They must also stop threatening their slaves. What defense would a slave have against such threatening? Their threatenings would be making misuse of the place they have in their particular society. They are believing masters and must therefore realize that they are also under the jurisdiction of Another. That One is their Master as well as the Master of their slaves. He is in heaven and is not a respecter of persons. In other words, before Him it makes no difference whether they are masters or slaves. He will demand His due from them both!

If these words which have been directed to both slaves and masters are taken to heart, slavery will not be able to exist beyond that generation! Because these words were not obeyed in many places the institution of slavery continued till modern times!

Questions for discussion:

1. What is the difference between honoring and obeying one’s parents? Is this an important difference? Why?

2. How does the promise fit the fifth commandment?

3. How can parents provoke their children to anger? Is this child abuse?

4. Why doesn’t the New Testament simply forbid slavery?

5. Do you agree that the Scripture’s dealing with slavery would obliterate it in a short time?

6. Does the Bible teaching about the master–slave relationship have anything to say to us today concerning the employer-employee relationship?