Have you ever encountered cereal-box theology? One day I was reading the cereal box during breakfast, and it had a graph saying, “You are EQUAL PARTS: 20% Amazing—20% Brilliant—20% Funny—20% Talented—20% Smart—and 100% AWESOME!” I felt tired just looking at it! I had been woken up several times during the night by my children. At that point in the day, the most amazing thing I had done was to get breakfast on the table. I certainly had not come up with any brilliant ideas (unless having cold cereal for breakfast could be counted), had not cracked any jokes, or used any particular talents or smartness in order to start my day. I also kept thinking about a phrase one of my elders uses: “Only God is awesome!” Let’s just say the positivity of the cereal box failed to inspire me.

It’s pretty easy to dismiss cereal-box theology as mindless garbage, but how often do these same ideas creep into our thinking? Can you say with all sincerity that you are totally not awesome? In the robust individualism of America, has godly humility gone by the wayside?

What Is Humility?

The Bible tells us, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6, New King James Version). Obviously, we want to be humble, not proud. But what exactly is humility? How can we tell if we are being prideful? The book of Proverbs provides a good place to begin understanding pride and humility.

Proverbs 3:5–6 is a synopsis of the book of Proverbs: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” But what does it look like to trust in the Lord with all your heart? On the contrary, what does it look like to lean on your own understanding? How can we acknowledge the Lord in all our ways? Proverbs presents two contrasting people. We encounter the foolish, proud, wicked person, who is wise in his own eyes. We also encounter the wise, humble, righteous person, who trusts in the Lord, not his own understanding. The following table is a brief survey of the contrast between the proud person and the humble person, found in the book of Proverbs.

These verses present us with at least one aspect of a humble person. A humble person is someone who is willing to learn and to be corrected. What does it look like to humbly acknowledge God in all our ways? Let’s look at several principles and consider how they might be applied in the context of marriage and relationships.

We humbly acknowledge God in all our ways when we read the Bible and believe God and his promises instead of listening to the world and believing its lies.

The world loves to take God’s truth and twist it into a destructive lie. For example, the world places a lot of emphasis on “finding true love.” Some of the lies offered on this topic are that your true love will accept you for who you really are; your life begins when you meet the one for you; love is always a feeling; when you feel love you should always act on those feelings. By contrast, the Bible describes love as an action, a deliberate choice: “Love suffers long and is kind” (1 Cor. 13:4). One of the specific ways we can believe God and his Word instead of the world is in our marriages. When love is not easy, when we feel that our personalities don’t click, when we have to give up some of the things we enjoy for the sake of our spouse, and when we do not feel at all loving, it is easy to conclude that we were not “meant to be.” Perhaps we married the wrong person! The humble person is able to recognize the lies creeping into his heart and is willing to admit the truth of God’s Word and act accordingly.

We humbly acknowledge God in all our ways when we willingly ask other believers for advice.

If you are married, when is the last time you have asked your Christian friends for marriage advice? We tend to avoid asking for advice for all of the wrong reasons: because we don’t want others to look down on us, we don’t want to admit that we need help, and we don’t want people to think we have a bad marriage. By contrast, humble persons will acknowledge that they don’t have all the answers and can learn from godly Christian friends. We should ask for advice in the context of prayer and accountability. This sounds like way too much work! Who even has time for that? Of course, there can and should be formal counseling happening within the church, but informal counseling is something that every believer can do. When you invite another couple over for a meal, ask how they approach a particular problem. Then, pray with them together.

We humbly acknowledge God in all our ways when we pray for his will to be done.

How often do we approach a life decision without prayer or with the wrong attitude in prayer? For example, when praying about marriage, do we willingly ask God if he would rather have us serve him as a single? Do we pray for a godly spouse and then ignore the red flags when we meet someone? Are we content to make God our romantic advisor but not our Lord?

We humbly acknowledge God in all our ways when we accept his grace with a believing heart.

When we are young, it is easy to believe that we can pick whatever career we want, we can live wherever we want, and we can change the world. As life progresses, however, we have to learn to live within the boundaries that God has given us. God has given me this husband and these children, and the way I serve him here looks completely different than if I had a different husband and different children. In all of life, we can choose to complain how we would like life to be different, or we can accept God’s grace. Accepting God’s grace with a believing heart means:

We believe in his providence. If you are married and ever wonder if you married the right person, think back on your marriage vows. God providentially brought the two of you together, and if you’re married, then this is the spouse God has for you.

We acknowledge that while sin has consequences, God is the God of redemption and forgiveness. Perhaps you sinned in the way you pursued a spouse; perhaps you didn’t stay pure until marriage; perhaps you ruined other relationships as you pursued marriage. While those sins have consequences, if you truly trust in God for salvation, then he promises to forgive and cleanse you. You don’t have to be stuck in old patterns of behavior. You are not defined by your sin. You can move into new obedience, reconciliation, and joy.

We allow grace, not works, to motivate and empower us. Although we may believe that we are saved by grace, we often act as if we receive God’s daily blessings through our good works. We assume that our sins will be punished by what they deserve (short of hell). Our obedience can quickly become motivated mainly by the blessings that we desire: I want a good marriage, so therefore, I should be a good wife. The problem with this kind of obedience is that it lacks the power of the gospel. In the gospel, we realize that God has given his grace to us, undeserving sinners. He poured out grace upon us when he saved us, and he continues to give us grace on a daily basis. Understanding that our temporal blessings come from his grace, we are now free to obey him out of gratitude. Obedience can then be accomplished from a place of humility instead of a place of pride.

Only God Is Awesome

Cereal-box theology puts intense pressure on us to perform to a certain standard. If we somehow fail to be brilliant, talented, funny, smart, and awesome, we are left with nothing. With the constant stream of this kind of thinking, is it any wonder that the United States suffers from growing substance abuse and suicide? By contrast, biblical theology expects us to be who we really are—creatures who are limited in our understanding, talents, and intellect, and are definitely not awesome. Once we realize that our own understanding and resources are limited, we are able to ask meaningfully for advice and direction. And when we fail, we have a Redeemer. We don’t have to be trapped in a meaningless dialogue of “I’ll make sure it never happens again.” Rather, we can look to Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ—described in the Nicene Creed as “the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made.” Talk about awesome! And then, this awesome God did the unthinkable: “who for us and for our salvation came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man.” Becoming man was the true act of humility: stooping to take on the limitations and weakness of humanity. Jesus then continued in humility by suffering the unthinkable: “and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; he suffered and was buried.” Jesus frustrated the wisdom of the wise by becoming sin, and being humble, so that we might be saved from our sin and from our pride.

The search for humility will occupy us our entire lives. We will get a good start by understanding what humility is, by asking others for advice, and by looking to Jesus as the perfect example of humility. Next time you hear or use the word awesome, take a moment to consider the freedom that comes from knowing that only God is awesome.

Mrs. Vanessa Le is a wife and mom to five children age seven and under. She enjoys reading, playing the piano, studying theology, and generally being Mommy. She is a member of Orlando Reformed Presbyterian Church in Orlando, FL.