TEENERS’ CORNER: The Problem of an Unsocial Sister


I am writing you about my sister who is 20 years old and who has us worried about her strange unfriendly attitude towards others. She is the oldest of three children in our home. I am 17 and my brother is 15. We don’t know what to do about it. She will not make friends at all. When she goes for the bus in the morning and sees the neighbor girls of her own age heading for the same bus, she lets it pass and waits for a later bus or walks to work. We learn from girls working in the same office with her that she refuses to take her coffee break when they do. She talks to no one and acts like the loneliest person in the world. At home she has little to do with us, although we cannot say that she has an ugly disposition. Sometimes I feel that she craves for love but does not know how to give it in return. Should we leave her by herself, or should we keep on trying to break through the wall she has built around herself?



Frankly, I do not think I can do much for you. Yow sister needs professional attention. Try to get her to a Christian psychiatrist. My guess is that in her early childhood she suffered some kind of a rejection experience and that ever since she has never dared to project herself in a friendship or love relationship for fear of being rejected again. Her isolation is a defense. She is afraid to like others so much as to become dependent on their love. You might casually mention to her sometime that there are people who are envious of folks that love and are being loved, but who do not dare themselves to enjoy such experiences because they are afraid that the experiences will not last. Her answer to that remark might be quite revealing.