In the training of children, there is often a one-sided emphasis on love. Is it true that if children are sufficiently loved they will automatically obey their parents? This common assumption brings trouble for it lets the children decide whether or not they will obey their parents. We must never forget that children are born with the principles of disobedience in their hearts. To obey means to love and obedience must be learned. Only those who have been trained to obey will honor, respect and love. Instruction received in the school of obedience will do more for the proper development, the happiness and success of children, as viable members of the church, and as citizens of society, than all the instruction received subsequently in the schools they will attend.

Solid foundations for the establishment of a Christian home are found in the fifth commandment, which says, “Honor thy father and mother that thy days maybe long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Paul says in Ephesians 6:1 that this commandment is the first commandment with a promise. It is the first commandment, for it is the first commandment that we can teach our children, even before we can teach them it is wrong to steal, to lie. to covet, etc.

Even in the state of righteousness, Adam and Eve were commanded to obey the probationary commandment. Christ had to learn to obey the will of the heavenly Father and the Bible says that He was obedient unto the death of the cross. Every page of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation emphasizes the importance of obedience. In these days of lawlessness and apostacy, we must do our utmost to reinforce the moral and the spiritual structures of our Christian homes by teaching obedience.

Is Love More Important than Obedience?

For the past fifty years, educators have condemned almost every form of restraint in the class room. They assume that every child is basically good and selfexpression is necessary for his development. Educators believe that if teachers will only love their pupils sufficiently, no discipline problems will emerge in the class room, and many parents harbor the same illusion. However, when police are necessary to protect the teacher and to maintain a modicum of order in some schools and vandalism plagues many schools throughout the land, it is obvious that this approach is disastrous for society.

In homes where love takes precedence over obedience, the children are pampered. Little forms of disobedience are tolerated at first and little forms of disobedience develop into larger forms, in the home, in the school and on the street. Some parents are even amused when their children proudly relate how they put one over on the teacher. And others become angry when the teacher has found it necessary to punish their child.

Finally, when their teen-ager comes home drunk or becomes involved in the drug traffic and criminal activity, those parents feel humiliated, frustrated and disillusioned. Pleading with tears in their eyes they may reproach their teen-ager saying, “Why did you do this to us? We provided everything for you; we fed you; we clothed you; we gave you an education; we gave you all that you wanted. We sat up all night when you were sick.” This scene is beginning to be repealed increasingly in many of our Christian homes. Those parents gave their teen-ager everything he wanted and they thought that this was love. They failed, however, to give the child a most important thing he needed for time and eternity and that was the training in obedience which God ordered them to give.

C. Van Schouwen, at retired Christian Reformed pastor living at Sioux Center, Iowa.