My heart remains heavy as I start a new week. Three days ago I attended a funeral of a mom from our community who took her own life, leaving a husband, children, grandchildren, friends, and community to grieve. My mind cannot yet wrap itself around yet another suicide in our small, hard-working, close-knit town.

I am not an expert on the subject, but God in his sovereign plan has allowed me to witness firsthand the aftermath of suicide. For the past two years I have been part of the Victims Services Unit of our county sheriff’s department. We are dispatched as a team day or night when a death has occurred. We may be sent to the scene of an auto accident, drowning, homicide, natural death, death notification, or suicide to give comfort and support to the families and loved ones of the deceased.

Once I arrive on scene, the death has already occurred. Several police officers and detectives will be investigating the apparent cause of death. Paramedics are packing up and preparing for another call. The county medical examiner may soon arrive and examine the body, give his preliminary findings, and determine whether the body will be sent for an autopsy .The final people to arrive are the transportation company who will place someone’s loved one in a body bag and transport.

Why be so graphic? It is to drive home the point that death is final. Every time I see that body bag, I see God’s almighty power. No machine, medication, person, or means can return breath or heartbeat to that lifeless body. “You take away their breath, they die and return to their dust. You send forth Your Spirit, they are created; and You renew the face of the earth” (Ps. 104:29–30, New King James Version). With the case of death from natural causes, illness, or tragic accident our mind can begin to adjust and comprehend the grief and loss. But with suicide, our emotions cannot seem to come to terms with the senseless, unexplained death. Eventually, there may be some answers to our questions, but for the most part it will remain an unsolved mystery.

Often the person who took their own life felt hopeless, broken, empty, void of reason, filled with self-pity, guilt, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, or loss. Having experienced depression myself many years ago, I understand the blackness and despair of the “horrible pit” (Ps. 40) and the deep “valley of the shadow of death” (Ps. 23).

If you have never experienced depression or contemplated taking your own life, you will never fully understand the confusion and lies of the enemy. “You are not good enough! No one cares! You are all alone! You are a loser! They will be better off without you.” All lies of Satan and his companions. “Be sober [self-disciplined], be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith” (1 Peter 5:8–9).

I implore you, don’t turn a blind eye to a hurting friend, coworker, family member, or spouse. Please take time to carefully read the list of resources below and prepare yourself to walk alongside someone who may be in need. You may be the one God calls to bring hope to a person on the brink of despair. “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad” (Prov. 12:25).

What can be done to help someone who is suicidal?

Dr. Jim Newheiser supplies a list of recommendations.

1. Don’t leave the individual alone.

2. When in doubt, ask if they are contemplating taking their own life.

3. Take them and their concerns seriously—acknowledge the reality of their pain. On a scale of 1–10, how great is their emotional pain?

4. Listen. What must they have or want? What are they missing?

5. Don’t get into an argument or debate.

6. Remain calm and be patient.

7. Use the Bible as the authority. Answer Satan’s lies with the Word of God. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Cor. 4:16–17). And, “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). See also 1 Corinthians 10:13; Psalm 23; Romans 15:4, 13; Isaiah 55:6–7; Jeremiah 29:11–13.

8. Pray with them and for them. “In the day of trouble I will call upon You, for You will answer me” (Ps. 86:7; 31:22; 55:17).

9. Get help from other appropriate people (e.g., a medical doctor, a hospital emergency department, or a mental health hospital).

10. Do not agree to keep this a secret.

11. If a person is making concrete plans to take his own life, call 911.

12. A seventy-two-hour involuntary psychiatric hold often enables someone who is suicidal to get past a critical period and consider other options.

13. Don’t compromise your personal safety.

14. You cannot save the suicidal person. God has to save them. “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, for the help of His countenance” (Ps. 42:5).1

What can be done when you are suicidal?

When the fog of depression encases the mind, and you are in agony and anguish of spirit, fix your eyes on Jesus—your only hope. Open God’s Word and let it fill your emptiness. The words I repeated continuously to myself in the dark night of depression were “Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe” (Ps. 119:117, King James Version). Christ is all you have and all you need. Lean hard upon him.

   

Samuel Rutherford wrote, “Believe God’s love and power more than you believe your own feelings and experiences. Your ROCK is Christ, and it is not the rock that ebbs and flows but the sea. So whether we’re talking about rocks, mountains, or valleys, one thing remains true; HE is with us. God is our only true comfort, and His WORD is unfailing. May we look above the ebb and flow of our circumstances and rest our eyes upon the God who DOES NOT move. He is steady in the ups and downs, and His heart is to turn things rightside-up.”

Postscript:

A few days before submitting this article for publication I was enjoying a beautiful blue sky on a Sunday afternoon. I was standing at my kitchen sink finishing up the dishes when my pager sounded. I dried my hands and picked up my pager. To my great sorrow, it was yet another call to respond to a suicide in our county just a few miles from my home. “Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer . . . When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that higher than I” (Ps. 61:1, 2).

Resources

Help! My Friend Is Suicidal, Bruce Ray

I Just Want to Die: Replacing Suicidal Thoughts with Hope, David Powlison

Grieving a Suicide: Help for the Aftershock, David Powlison

Spurgeon’s Sorrows: Realistic Hope for Those Suffering Depression, Jack Eswine (chapter 11, “Suicide and Choosing Life”)

“When Suicide Comes Close,” Ed Welch, blog post, April 16, 2013, CCEF, https://www.ccef.org/when-suicide-comes-close/BCD.org; click free resources

1. Jim Newheiser, “Counseling After Suicide,” IBCD.org (Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship); PDF notes available online.

Mrs. Terri Pols is a certified ACBC and IRBC biblical counselor in Hudsonville, MI.