As we think about vulnerable and neglected sections of our population at this time of pandemics, we shouldn’t forget those who, for various reasons, might not speak up for themselves: people who live with mental illness and those who are closest to them.

They might not speak up because mental illness is still met with stigma and fear. They might not speak up because they don’t think others will understand them. They might not even know how to express what they feel because some of their experiences can’t be properly expressed in words.

At the same time, many interpret these people’s reticence as a rejection of others or desire for privacy. As a result, many shy away from what they can’t seem to understand, increasing a gulf that was never meant to exist between individuals made in the image of God.

Why Learn about Mental Illness

When my book, Broken Pieces: Schizophrenia Through a Mother’s Eyes, first came out in print, someone at my church told me he might read it one day, if mental illness ever affected his life. I hope it never has to come to that.

But we don’t have to wait until something affects our immediate family. Since my son first became ill, I started to talk openly to others and have been surprised by the number of people who told me they lived through a similar experience with a son, daughter, parent, relative, or friend. We often don’t know these things because our times of coffee and fellowship at church can be quite shallow and most of us don’t like to open up—even to fellow believers.

In reality, learning about mental illness is important is because it’s all around us. And even if we are one of the few people who are not affected personally and don’t know anyone who is, we never know when mental illness might knock at our door. In that case, a diagnosis might hit us like a storm, and there will be less time to learn.

Avoiding basic education about mental illness is also dangerous because ignorance will affect our reactions. There is a saying in Christian circles, “If you don’t catechize your children, the world will.” I think it’s the same when it comes to learning about mental illness. If you don’t take a little time to learn about it from reputable and qualified sources, you will be caught in the wave of simplistic and sensationalized descriptions the media releases every time a crime is attributed to mental illness. As in everything else, ignorance breeds fear and many dangerous misconceptions.

Faulty Views

I have seen dangerous extremes in people who are not familiar with this type of illness. Some, as I said, see a potential criminal in every person who has some form of serious mental illness, especially associated with psychosis. Some go to the opposite extreme of seeing mental illness as something light and temporary, like a cold—something you can overcome with some positive thinking and a little encouragement from others. In my book I mention how I followed this last train of thought. I thought treating schizophrenia meant taking a couple of pills and calling the doctor after a few days.

But the bottom line is, mental illness comes in many forms and degrees and includes many factors. For example, most people with mental illness are not dangerous, but there are some serious instances where an untreated person can become dangerous to self and others. It’s important to be properly informed, pray for wisdom, and establish connections with professionals who can help in times of need.

There are also people who associate mental illness with weakness, and weakness with shame, and that’s difficult to shake off. Some associate it with sin and even demons, in spite of volumes of Christian literature that have argued for the contrary. Some argue about the role of the mind, and whether it is part of the body or the soul. These arguments end up aggravating the gap between us and our brothers and sisters in need.

How to Reach Out

While education will help us to understand, sympathize, and exercise wisdom, mental illness is ultimately a call to love. As it is for most experiences in life, we might never understand it completely, but this shouldn’t stop us from reaching out.

The problem is, we often don’t know how to love a person with mental illness, and we again tend to go to extremes. Some are eager to give advice, whether practical (about medications, vitamins, or lifestyle) or spiritual, without understanding the specific details of the situation. As a rule, medical advice is best when left to professionals.

The opposite reaction—avoidance—is just as damaging. I once interviewed a deaf person for an article I was writing on disabilities. She went to a large church where only a few people knew her. She remembered two ladies who approached her and started to chat with her. When she signaled that she could not hear, they said, “Sorry,” and left, as if their inability to communicate was something frightful or shameful.

What everyone needs is someone who is willing to be present, listen, and learn, trying to communicate any way they can. It could just mean sitting next to a person who seems to be troubled, willing to offer a listening ear and to show genuine concern. If you have suffered, you could draw some empathy and comfort from the well of your pain.

While your experiences might be very different (and it’s important to recognize it), they might help others to see that they are not alone in their struggle and that there are people who are ready to understand without asking for explanations. And that might strengthen their confidence in the One who emptied himself and drank of the bitterest cup of suffering for our sake.

Small gestures go a long way. In some cases, you can give others your phone number and tell them to call you any time. And if they don’t, you can call them, text them, send a card, take them out for coffee, or do something you both enjoy doing.

“I wanted the church to love me through my struggles,” my friend Ed told me, “not provide me with a dissertation on my condition. I didn’t want people to be polite and keep a safe distance. I wanted the church to proactively love me aggressively and intrude into my downward spirals. Instead they rested in their catechetical cocoons. They read books instead of called me. They drank coffee instead of giving me a compassionate hug. I felt that my brothers loved the saints of the past more than they loved me. That they’d rather write a paper on a dead guy than make the smallest effort to love someone living, in a known turmoil.”

As important as theology is in life, some things, like love for others, don’t require much analytical work. Even a child knows how to love and care. “Unfortunately, some have to be doctrinally convinced,” Ed continued, “thereby complicating the most simple, basic, clear of all biblical imperatives—love. Complicated minds have distorted the simplest command. And people like me have suffered excessively, alone.”

Let’s reach out to others today. Let’s show some sincere interest in those around us and the people that God sends into our lives. We will make mistakes, but we can always apologize and try again.

Mrs. Simonetta Carr was born in Italy and has lived and worked in different cultures. She worked first as elementary school teacher and then as homeschooling mother for many years. She is the author of numerous books, including the Christian Biographies for Young Readers series (RHB) and Broken Pieces: Schizophrenia Through a Mother’s Eyes (P&R). She has also contributed to newspapers and magazines around the world and has translated the works of several authors from English into Italian and vice versa. Presently, she lives in San Diego with her husband, Thomas, and the youngest of her eight children. She is a member and Sunday school teacher at Christ United Reformed Church.