Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever. —Hebrews 13:7–8, KJV

Right from the start let me say that neither of my parents was perfect. Even so, I am not going to share their faults with you. I am going to share their strengths. I offer their strengths to you so that, first, you may be encouraged with the thought that a godly parent can have a positive impact on a child. Second, I want you to know that if you will persevere with your child, your impact will be great. Third, it is my hope that the young people who hear my story will remember some of what I say, that it might be a help to them when they become parents themselves.

My father died very suddenly. The telephone rang during a morning service at church, and a deacon brought the message to me in a note while I was preaching. His note reached me about ten minutes before the end of my sermon. It said, “Your father is seriously sick.” When I saw those words I knew. He had a history of heart problems, and so I knew that he had gone to be with the Lord. In God’s providence I was preaching about the white robes, the glory, and the beauty of being with the Lord forever.

I will never forget the last five minutes of that sermon, how the Lord gave me special freedom to speak about the future of God’s people in glory. Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts of all that a father can leave behind for a child—to live in such a way as to leave no doubt in that child’s mind that you are now in glory.

We all miss our parents tremendously when they die. We miss their love. But the greatest balm of comfort to the grieving soul is the knowledge that one’s parents are in glory. My father lived and died serving the Lord. In fact, he went straight from leading a service to being in glory that day. He had prayed the long prayer with great emotion, and then began reading a sermon. He was on page 2 when he fell over with a heart attack. He went straight from the pulpit to the throne room of heaven at the age of seventy-three. He was married to my mother for fifty-two years.

There are many memories that flood into my mind at a time like this. My dad taught me many lessons. I will offer you nine examples.

Lesson 1: The Value of Speaking to Your Children about God

My dad spoke to us often about God’s ways with his people. I think his specialty was the work of the Holy Spirit in the soul. When I later became a minister, those talks would come back to me with a lot of power and comfort. In his talks he would often have these “sayings.” He would say to me, “What I am about to tell you I wish I could write with an iron pen on your heart.” I don’t know why, but that’s what he always said, and I knew something big was coming when he said it. As a matter of fact, it is almost as if his words were written with an iron pen on my heart, because I never forgot the things he said. He would save these moments for very special instructions. For example, once he said to me, “What I am about to tell you I wish I could write with an iron pen on your heart: It is a wonderful thing to get some comfort from the Lord, but an instruction from the Lord is even more valuable, because a comfort lasts only a little while, but an instruction lasts your whole lifetime.” He would say things like this all the time. You just cannot forget those things.

     

Another time he said to me, “I wish I could write this with an iron pen on your heart, but the difference between a believer and an unbeliever—and always remember this—is that a believer has a place to go all the time. When an unbeliever comes into trouble, he doesn’t know where to go.”

I’ve had only two surgeries in my life, and both were on my knees. I remember when I was going in for my first knee surgery. I had stood beside thousands of hospital beds over the years, but I had never been in one. This was strange to think about on my way to the hospital. As I began to pray, my dad’s words came back into my mind. It brought me to tears on the way to the hospital: “A believer always has a place to go.” I thought to myself, “There is no need to fear. You are safe in the hands of Jesus. Even if he takes your life, you will go to be with him, the best place of all.”

I wrote recently about a man in Northern Ireland who awoke out of surgery and was told by his doctor that his body would fully heal. The man replied, “I am disappointed. I wanted to be healed altogether. I wanted to go and be with the Lord.”

My dad would find opportunities to teach us. His best time was often on Sunday nights, when he would read to us from Pilgrim’s Progress. Once he tried to read Holy War to us, but we did not understand it well so he stopped halfway through. With that one brief exception, all twenty years that I lived at home, we did nothing but read Pilgrim’s Progress on Sunday nights. I know that book like the back of my hand, and I love it. My dad would encourage us to ask questions. My brother and I asked many questions during our teen years. After I was converted I would sometimes ask my dad questions until midnight or later. I would literally sit at his feet on the floor, and we would talk from heart to heart. It was absolutely wonderful.

During the week my dad was so busy that it seemed like he did not have any time for us kids. But Sunday night was a time to ask my dad spiritual questions. “Who was ‘Mr. Talkative’?” “What does that name mean?” “Why did it take Christian so long to find the key of promise in Giant Despair’s castle?” I asked many questions, and he loved it. He would set the book down and teach us with tears in his eyes. For my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, we kids all agreed to share one thing we appreciated about mom and dad. All five of us said the same thing. We all appreciated our mother’s prayers, and we all appreciated our father’s family worships on Sunday evenings as he would go through Pilgrim’s Progress. My brother said to him, “My oldest memory in life comes from a time when I was three years old. I was sitting on your lap, dad, and I looked up into your face, and I saw a God who is real as I watched the tears stream down your face. I thank you, dad, that I never had to question the reality of God.”

Lesson 2: The Value of Service

I worked with my dad for only two summers. When you worked for him, it seemed that he had time for you. My first day on the job he said to me, “You see that hammer there? Don’t try to saw a board with it. You see that saw? Don’t try to drive a nail with it.” I responded, “I know that, dad.” He said to me, “But do you know why I am telling you? Because God designed us to live to his glory and to be of service to our neighbor. When we try to live for ourselves it is like trying to saw a board with a hammer, and trying to drive home a nail with a saw. It doesn’t work. You will never find satisfaction and joy in life, my son, if you try living for a purpose for which God did not make you.”

I was thirteen years old when my dad shared this with me. I wasn’t converted until I was fourteen. It really made me stop and think.

“Service is what life is all about.” My dad exemplified that, sometimes to the point of frustration. It was rare for him to spend leisure time with us kids during the week, but if someone from the church called, he would be gone in a moment. He was a servant. At times I resented him for this, but at other times I understood, especially as I got older. He would say to me, “If there are people in need, you meet those needs.” Now, would it have been wiser for him to spend some time with his family first, and then go? I think so. But that was my dad. All day long he would work, and all evening long he would serve the church. I don’t ever remember my mom and dad sitting together and talking at night. They were always working and serving. The idea of making every moment count is something I learned from my dad. He never wasted time. He never occupied himself with things that he felt would not be fruitful in some way.

Lesson 3: The Value of Organization

My dad had only an eighth-grade education, but he was an organized man. He was always elected clerk of the classis for our whole denomination. As I grew older I sometimes wanted to say to them, “Don’t you know that my dad has only an eighth-grade education and can’t write well?” But, he managed to put it together. He was organized. And, he was a pretty good clerk. His language was a bit rough, so he would often slip his notes over to me and ask if I would proofread it for him, which I did. My dad knew what task needed to be done next, so he accomplished a fair bit. I think he modeled that for me in a way that impacted me, even more than I consciously realized.

I once had to give a talk to the students at Puritan Reformed Seminary on the subject of organizing one’s time. I had never before thought about that subject. I did not know what to say. So I began to think about how I organized my own time. As I did so, it occurred to me how much I had been influenced by my dad in this area. He did not teach time management to me; I picked it up from him. My brothers and sisters were influenced by him the same way.

Lesson 4: The Value of Placing Prayer at the Center of Life

My dad wasn’t as free with prayer as I. For example, if he happened to drive by an accident on the highway, he wouldn’t spontaneously pray. But I knew prayer was at the center of his life. I would often see him sitting in his chair for a while meditating, especially as he grew older. That wasn’t wasted time. It was purposeful meditation. I knew somehow that while he was meditating, he was praying with eyes open.

Lesson 5: The Value of Sharing Your Spiritual Life with Your Children

My dad often spoke about how the Lord had led him personally and spiritually. He told me that when he was twenty-seven years old he read Van Reenen’s work, Bert and Case, and that God had used it to convict him of his sin. He told me about how he found Christ in his early thirties. He told me about how he and Uncle Pete were shingling a roof together one day when Uncle Pete came under sudden conviction of sin, and so the two of them sat down on the roof and wept together over their sins as they were seeking for a Savior. These stories made a deep impression my own spiritual experiences later on. My father taught me experiential Christianity; that the doctrines of grace not only must be known but also felt and experienced.

Lesson 6: The Value of Holy Earnestness

My dad was in earnest for the wellbeing of souls. When he was home he was very laid back, almost passive. But when it came to the church, and to matters of truth and eternity, he could become quite moved. Sometimes I wondered whether my dad cared about my bodily needs, but I never doubted that he cared for my soul. I knew that he believed what J. C. Ryle once said: “Soul love is the soul of all love.” This made a profound impact on me as well. Now I think that my dad left the whole matter of physical needs to my mother’s care, and he is the one who really looked after my soul.

Lesson 7: The Value of Christ’s Beauty and Amiability

I cannot say that I learned this lesson from my father initially. Early on, he was a bit of a hyper-Calvinist, believing that God spoke only to sensible sinners. He hardly believed that anyone was saved. This was very difficult for me initially. Once when I was fifteen, I awoke my father in the middle of the night to tell him that I had found real deliverance in Christ, that he was my Savior and Lord, that he was everything to me. But my dad discouraged my enthusiasm. He didn’t want me to believe too quickly that I had been delivered. Later in life, when the gospel really came home to him, this attitude completely changed.

The process of transformation was interesting. When I was young I would sit at my father’s feet. Even while I was in seminary, I would come home and ask him questions. But a point came early in my ministerial years when the tables were turned and my father would ask me theological questions. It was a strange thing. It was still to our mutual edification, but there was a definite changing of the tide. Especially as he approached his seventieth year, he seemed to love Christ more and more. It was tangible. As I would preach about Christ from the pulpit in Kalamazoo, Michigan, his face would be bathed in tears. And not just once in a while, but normally.

When he was a bit older I said to him, “Dad, you’ve changed so much in terms of the gospel. Now you find it so much easier to believe that God is working in the hearts of sinners, and you love Christ so much more. And you seem to be at such peace now. You are not nearly as uptight about spiritual things as you once were. What happened?” He replied that three things had impacted his life. First, he was impacted by the gospel-centered preachers in our denomination who had visited the church over the years. Second, he was impacted by my brother’s book, Bible Doctrine for Teens and Young Adults. Third, he said he was impacted by my sermons. It really touched me when he said this.

It is a beautiful thing when you and your adult children not only can speak to one another but also exchange ideas and be of help to each other. Sometimes you almost become the child, and your child becomes a parent to you, teaching you. This is the kind of relationship I have with my son, Calvin, whenever we go hunting. He is the parent, and I am the child. He teaches me about hunting because I know nothing about it. It is a wonderful thing to relate to adult children, and we need to grow in this area as parents. Sometimes we need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of God’s work in our children’s lives.

As my father grew older, his love for Christ became so fervent that my siblings and I would say to each other, “Yes, though his health appears to be fairly good, it seems that he can’t live long on earth like this with such Christ-centered joy.” In his prayers he would often pray to be with Christ forever, saying, “Oh, come Lord Jesus, come quickly!”

Lesson 8: The Value of Self-Examination

Even though my father became much more Christ-centered at the end of his life, he still taught us throughout his life that we must examine our own souls and never approach spiritual things casually or superficially. He was looking for reality in his life and in the lives of others. If you can keep that emphasis on self-examination, without the hyper-Calvinistic belief that almost no one is saved, you will have a powerful combination for combating shallow religion, while at the same time keeping yourself in the love of Christ.

Lesson 9: The Value of Focusing on Eternity

One of my dad’s expressions in prayer was, “Lord, let our lives be nothing but a preparation to meet thee in the righteousness and peace of Jesus Christ on the Great Day.” He was always praying like that, always focusing on eternity, always preparing to meet the Lord. We must remember that we have here no continuing city. This is an important legacy to leave to our children.

Jonathan Edwards once prayed, “Oh God, stamp eternity upon my eyes.” We need to impress our children with this thought. We are all traveling to eternity. Eternity is what ultimately matters. We must be prepared every moment to meet the Lord.

Joel R. Beeke is president and professor of systematic theology and homlietics at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary, a pastor of Heritage Reformed Congregation in Grand Rapids, MI, and a prolific author and frequent conference speaker.