Friendship has sometimes been described as the master passion, and most of us will undoubtedly agree that the enjoyment of a “bosom companion” plays a crucial part in our lives. The German word “seelenfreund” (soul-friend) is a beautiful, self-explanatory word for friend, for it adequately expresses the basic, intimate and spiritual nature of friendship. Poor indeed is that person who goes through life without ever having experienced the genuine meaning of friendship!
Friendship – A Gift
True friendship is a rare and priceless gift of God whereby we can find in the heart and mind of another, an extension or resounding echo of ourselves. Friendship is that deeply spiritual projection of self in the form of another person. We are reminded of the beautiful, classic Biblical friends hips of Ruth and Naomi and of David and Jonathan. What are some of the factor s which I consider essential for someone to be called my “bosom companion” or friend? What does the Bible teach us regarding friends hip? With the Scriptures in mind let us reflect on a few of these ingredients which must go into the making of someone to be called “my friend.”
Friendship – A Shared Faith
First of all, and most basic for a believer, is the fact that my friend must be a fellow believer. Since it is the union of heart and mind that is inherent to the cultivation of friendship, it is inconceivable that I can find a friend in someone whose life style, interests and goals differ radically from my own. The Bible clearly states, “Do not be yoked (closely united) with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (II Cor. 12:14, NIV) And again in verse 15 of the same chapter we read, “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” The writer is not only instructing us regarding the kind of marriage partner we are to seek, but also the kind of friendship.
Friendship – A Shared Trust
Second, the Bible also states, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” (Prov. 11:13, NIV) Again in Proverbs 16:28 we read, “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” Thus I know that my friend must be someone who can be trusted with the deepest secrets of my heart and mind and who will never, either because of a desire for approbation or retaliation, divulge any of them to another.
Friendship – A Loyal Support
Third, my friend re-affirms my feeling of self-worth and makes me believe that my being here is of infinite importance. My friend accepts me as a unique “one of a kind” individual created differently, in heart, mind, and body, from every other individual on God’s earth. My friend will always find what is good in me. My friend will either overlook the bad or at times lovingly counsel and edify me without a tinge of haughtiness or superiority. The Bible tells us, “The kisses of an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Prov. 27:6, NIV) Again in Proverbs 27:9 we find, “The pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” (NIV)
Friendship – A Sounding Board
Fourth, my friend is someone who will patiently and understandingly listen to the expressed emotions of my heart, which will at times run the complete “gamut” from griefs and fears to joys, hopes, and aspirations. Knowing all about these emotions, my friend will still love me for myself and not attempt to make me over into someone I am not meant to be. “A friend loveth at all times,” the Bible states. (Prov. 17:17, NIV)
What a treasure it is to have found a life-long “seelenfreund!” Such a friend will keep me true to myself and enable me to better understand myself. Carrying this thought a bit farther, then, I may safely say that my friend makes me a better person and the world a different and richer world. William Shakespeare summed up the virtue of “self–truth” in the words from Hamlet, “To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Yes, my friend is wonderfully another part of me! After I have traversed miles and talked to my friend, I once again feel the renewed inspiration and strength to face the varied circumstances surrounding me, both the pleasant and unpleasant ones. A brief communication with my friend, a brief renewal of our common bond in the Lord whom we both serve, and I seem to be on the mountain-top. The sun shines brighter and my steps feel lighter!
Dear Lord, how I thank you for friendship! I realize that you are the Creator and Giver of human friendship. I realize too, that this earthly friendship is but a dim reflection of that greatest and most precious friendship of all–that of the believer with the Lord. For You Yourself have said to us in your Word, “You are my friends if you do what I command.” Grant that I may never abuse or take for granted this gift of friendship here below. Amen.
Mrs. Dragt has been a teacher in our Christian schools. She and her husband and three children are members of the First Christian Reformed Church of Chino, California.