In the all-wise but often mysterious working of God’s providence I was recently a patient for several months. Instead of regularly visiting others in joy or in sorrow, in sickness and health, etc., I found myself on the “receiving” end. I received many visitors and was blessed greatly by their visits. This was not the first time either that I had found myself a “disciplinee” of our Heavenly Father. Reflecting on the numerous visits of which I have been the recipient there is nothing that I wish to write that would in any way reflect adversely on. any visitor or visit. However, I am hopeful and prayerful that something I may have learned as a patient rather than as a visitor will prove helpful to others, especially to the large number of Consistory members who have joined the readership of this magazine through the free subscription offer.
I shall never forget that I had been in the ministry for six years, and in those years I made numerous calls on the sick, shut-ins and sorrowing, etc. I conducted close to 50 funerals. However, it wasn’t until the Lord suddenly took my mother to Himself at a relatively young age that I really “knew” what the bereaved actually suffer. For the first time I “sat where they sat.” Since that time the Lord has entered our family circle on several occasions and removed very close family members, and each additional experience has been a learning experience. I was learn· ing personally the hard way what it means to suffer. Whether we are pastors or elders, counselors or friends, I am sure that everyone of us wishes that we have faithfully kept the “rules” which follow, only we know that we are far from reaching the ideal1 However, the most faithful practice of these rules will, I think, bless those whom we visit and our own hearts as we follow in the footsteps of our Blessed Master.
Rule No. One: You Must Visit!!
Perhaps no one needs this injunction! It may be taken for granted that every reader is thoroughly convinced by the Scriptural givens. Beyond the solemn charge given in ordination to every office. bearer in the church of Jesus Christ is the greatest example set for us by our Lord and Savior while He was here on this earth. It was fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy that “He took our infirmities and bare our sicknesses” (Matt. 8:17). The immediately preceding verses of the Matthew 8 passage describe how in Simon Peter’s home the Savior healed Peter’s mother-in-law, and the story concludes with the declaration “he healed all that were sick.”
Is the ministry of visitation, however, restricted to clergy and/or Consistory members? A careful reading of Matthew 25:36 and following verses is sufficient proof that no one is exempted from Christ’s sweeping declaration, “I was sick and ye visited me not.” Will anyone of us in the day of judgment be among the self–righteous who will ask the King, “When saw we thee sick?”, and hear that awesome “depart from me, ye cursed”?
Rule No. Two: Do pray and bring consolation from Scripture!
Our presence in a sickroom or a funeral parlor will be meaningful in terms of friendship and certainly this element of visitation should never be minimized! But what greater strength is derived by both patient and visitor if together we turn to that “friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.”
If we experience difficulty expressing ourselves particularly in prayer, often under the most difficult of circumstances, and do not know what to pray, can we not learn together to make our prayers both simple and brief? Pastoral prayers in their usual longevity are entirely out of place at the bedside of one who is sick. Virginia Womach in her book, Tested by Fire, which she co-authored with her husband Merrill, writes that when she didn’t know what to pray for her critically injured husband she would simply repeal this petition, “Dear God, please help Merrill.”
Rule No. Three: Do not preach!
It seems that those visitors who are most apt to use the sickroom as a pulpit use one or both of two favorite subjects, namely, patience and faith. How often we almost glibly say to others, “You must have more patience!” “You must be submissive!” “You must have faith!” If the patient is a born-again child of God he/ she knows that all too well without a bedside sermon. Besides and more importantly this is the work of the Holy Spirit and all our personal striving to achieve greater patience on our own effort will be in vain. Unintentionally some visitors can be so insensitive.
Rule No. Four: Do be cheerful!
As ministers and elders we must especially be on our guard that in moving from one pastoral call to the next we do not bring tales of woe from one sufferer to another. Merrill Womach in the previously mentioned book writes: “visiting preachers were sometimes the most depressing . . . their looks of grave concern left me feeling I should comfort them. . . . I wanted to say something to give them hope, to cheer them up.”
Positively, however, there are occasions when such misgivings must be expressed. I am personally indebted for life to a minister who some years ago was deeply convinced that I was receiving the wrong hospital and medical treatment because an incorrect diagnosis had been made. He conveyed his convictions to my wife and together after thorough discussion and consultations made the arrangements for my transfer to the Mayo Clinic. Their convictions were correct. A complete mis-diagnosis had been made, even after nearly four months of hospital confinement, and the treatment being administered would have most likely contributed to my death. But we must always use great caution in a field where we are not trained.
Rule No. Six: Do be understanding!
Never forget the assurance of Scripture: “Thou feedes! them with the bread of tears” (psalm 80:5). Tears arc sacred to more than one occasion. Tears of penitence? Indeed! Tears of sorrow? Indeed! Our Savior wept, did He not, as He stood before the grave of His friend Lazarus? But tears of sympathy, understanding? etc. Indeed! Are there not occasions when a sympathetic embrace, handclasp, etc. are more sacred and meaningful than many words? Let the Savior again be our great example.
Rule No. Seven: Do not prolong your visit!
A brief visit in most instances is much to be preferred, especially by those who are very weak and tired. It is not the length but the quality of our visit that counts.
Rule No. Eight: Do not bear False witness!!
If we promise to make a return visit we should do everything within our power to faithfully keep our word. If we promise to perform some type of service we should again keep our word. If circumstances develop which prevent us from keeping our word a phone call or card explaining our absence or inability will be much appreciated. The best intentions are worthless if our practice is empty or hollow.
Rule No. Nine: Do be helpful!!
Unconsciously it seems we have permitted an almost worthless offer to grow up among us. How often haven’t we said “if there is anything I (we) can do, just call me (us)”? A well-meant offer? Probably!! But why must we wait for a call that seldom if ever comes? As often as we make that offer, how often has someone called us to ask for our help or assistance? Not very often! Do we have to be asked before we see the need of bringing in a warm meal? Providing transportation to members of the family? Accompanying a wife on a dark night to the hospital while she visits her husband or parent or child? etc. In short, must we as church members ask or beg before our brothers and sisters in Christ come to our assistance? Our offers are too often blank checks that are never cashed because they are worthless!
Rule No. Ten: Do remember the entire family!!
Don’t forsake the other family members when one family member is sick Don’t leave anyone alone! The person, for example, who is hospitalized will normally receive cards and letters, flowers and visitors, etc. But what of the children who are shifted from one sitter to another? Isn‘t it more than possible that they may feel abandoned and unimportant?
May our Lord use each of us in a more faithful and blessed ministry, to the sick and the shut-ins, the sorrowing and the rejoicing, the tried and the tempted, the weak and the strong. As family and friends may we rally to meet the challenge of following faithfully in the steps of our Savior, James, the Lord’s brother, declares that this is “pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father” (James 1:27).