The “Continental Congress on the Family” convened on October 13–17 at the Chase Park Plaza Hotel, St. Louis, Missouri. Twenty-two hundred participants were in attendance from 43 states of the United States of America, five foreign countries, the working press, and from 50 denominations and evangelical organizations, etc.
The Congress was conceived and chaired by J. Allan Petersen who is the Director of Family Concern, Inc. of Omaha, Nebraska. The Honorable Mark HatReId, Senator from the state of Oregon, served as the honorary chairman. Program chairman was Dr. Cary Collins, Professor and Chairman of the Department of Pastoral Psycholoy and Counseling at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. The Covening Committee was composed of 75 religious leaders selected from a variety of backgrounds and evangelical affiliations.
Congress personnel included two Christian Reformed seminar leaders, namely, the Rev. Clifford Bajema, pastor of the Akron, Ohio, Christian Reformed Church and Dr. Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Calvin College. The computer print-out sheet of attendants at the Congress listed around ten members of the Christian Reformed Church.
PLENARY SESSIONS – Each day began with a period of “Worship and Bible Study.” These sessions were all led by Dr. Ray Stedman, pastor of the Peninsula Bible Church of Palo Alto, California. Each Bible study selected bore some direct relationship or reference to the Christian family and home. Dr. Stedman‘s best and most direct exegetical study was based on Deuteronomy 6:4–9, which he entitled, “Hand-Me-Down Truth.” He divided his study into three parts, namely, Parental Priority, Parental Responsibility, and Practical Guide.
Speaking of the “Parental Priority” Dr. Stedman declared that Moses starts with us as parents. The Word must first be “upon our hearts.” The reverse of that simple acrostic “JOY”—namely, Jesus first, others second, ourselves last. “We” in this all-important work come before our children. Secondly, this parental responsibility is non-transferable! Training children is an inalienable part of being a parent that may not be assumed by either school or church. Our practical guide gives the “four teachable moments” of talk, walk, sleep and rising, etc.
The Bible study hour was followed each morning by the presentation of one or two plenary position papers. These nine papers had been previously printed and mailed to all congress participants with the stipulation that they were to be read and studied before the Congress itself. Comments on and reactions to the papers were also solicited prior to the convening hour. while the papers were generally of good quality (some even excellent), the manner of presentation left much to be desired. Rather than addressing themselves to the comments and questions received from the participants, the speakers spent all or nearly all of their time summarizing the position papers themselves with which the audience should have had previous thorough experience. These sessions tended to become in several instances acts of spinal endurance. Permit me, however, to select three papers on which to make some general observations.
1. The first paper, “Marriage As It Was Meant to Be,” was prepared and presented by Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie, pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, California. His thesis was that “too little preparation has been given for marriage, too little help in assistegy for married people to discover Jesus ‘style and strategy for marriage, and too little remedial opportunity for healing and hope for people who are discouraged and disturbed by the distance between their expectations for marriage and what they are experiencing.” Certainly a point well made and commonly agreed upon! Dr. Ogilvie’s definition of marriage is most helpful:
“Marriage is for oneness: loving expressed in giving. A great Christian marriage is the unrestricted giving of mind, emotion, body, will and soul to a mate as if given to Christ. A marriage is most Christian, not when it is free of problems and difficulties, but when two persons open themselves to the Spirit of Christ, surrender their wills to him, and as a conscious dedication, seek to love each other and give themselves to each other as they have been loved and given to by Christ. This is more than making Christ the Head of the home. It is the daily, hourly, moment-by-moment willingness to see Christ in our mates and to serve, love and honor Him by what we say, do, give and forgive.”
2. Another plenary paper, “Christian Parenthood in a Modern World” was prepared and presented by Dr. S. Bruce Narramore, Academic Dean and Associate Professor of Psychology at Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology at Rosemead, California. Tn developing what he called a “theology of child-rearing” Dr. Narramore beautifully distinguished between punishment and discipline—punishment defined as a means of administering retribution to our children for their misdeeds, and discipline which is designed to promote the growth of the disciplined one.
“God never punishes His own children.” Once anyone becomes a believing child of God “he receives no more punishment. Instead, he is disciplined, chastened or corrected . . . discipline is God‘s way of maturing His children . . . based on this theological distinction between God‘s discipline and His punishment, I would suggest that the Christian parent should never punish his child. He should discipline but never punish.”
3. A paper with which 1 had serious difficulties was entitled, “The Church‘s New Frontier.” Written by the Rev. Britton Wood, Single Adult Minister of the Park Cities Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, the theme was quickly developed that the church‘s new frontier is ministry to the divorced, widowed, and separated adults; additionally, to those who are single persons by choice or lack of choice. Unquestionably here is a challenging and demanding segment of today’s ministry but is it correct that divorce while “the least desired option,” is nevertheless a viable option?
Wood states that “the issue is not whether persons should or should not divorce . . . the fact is that people are divorced and will continue to divorce. Our concern as the church must he how to minister to these broken lives.” His paper was almost totally bereft of Scriptural exegesis as the basis for such a thesis or premise. The paper was, in my estimation, grossly deficient in solid Biblical work, and long on practicality.
SEMINARS – Each afternoon was divided into two seminar sessions, and Congress participants could select from a variety of eleven subject matters and leaders each session. From the seminars I attended I shall select only two for comment.
First, “Divorce and Remarriage: A Fresh Biblical View.” This seminar was led by Dr. Dwight Harvey Small of Westmont College at Santa Barbara, California. In one hour Dr. Small presented basically the substance of his newest hook, The Right to Remarry. The topic was correct that his viewpoint is “fresh,” but as yet I have not been convinced that it is necessarily Biblical. What Dr. Small said, however, in the seminar presentation, was sufficient stimulus to pursue the matter further and purchase the book.
In short it is Small’s thesis that divorce and remarriage, while neither a personal nor an absolute individual right, is permissible at times. Not because the “Kingdom Law of Christ provides for it, but because the redemptive grace of Christ does not preclude it.” He sees divorce and remarriage within God‘s conditional will for those who face the irreversible reality of marital breakup. Small acknowledges on the one hand that God’s original intent was that marriage be indissoluble; on the other hand, he asks rhetorically, “Is divorce following the death of marriage really socially unpardonable and unrestorable to the extent that all divorced persons cannot again contract a normal marriage, never enjoy another life-partner, never live normally in the intimate society called the family, never again hold office, or serve significantly in the Church of our gracious Redeemer?”
Small’s thesis is that “the hard line” answer of the church to that question is “no”; the alternative position advocated by himself and others would be “ye . . .” Summarily stated, Small’s position is that “divorce and remarriage, although never God’s pure intention, are nonetheless within His conditional will for the redeemed who continue to live under the conditions of the fallen aeon which still prevail in our world.”
2. Dr. Howard Hendricks, Professor of Christian Education at Dallas Theological Seminary in Dallas, Texas, led two seminars on the subject, “The Practical Process of Premarital Counseling.” Forcefully and dynamically, the speaker developed his belief that premarital counseling is not optional but essential!
Dr. Hendricks gave three basic reasons for marriage failures; first, improper choices; second, unrealistic expectations; third, inadequate preparations. Concerning the first major cause of marriage failure he noted that most Christian parents simply advise their youth, “Don’t marry an unbeliever,” while it is also true that we should not necessarily marry every Christian, that is individuals drowning in their own spiritual and emotional immaturity. Second, too many young people come to marriage and the marriage bed expecting of their partner what only God can do in His perfections. Finally, a third point extremely well taken, we spend a vast majority of our time and effort on wedding preparations for a ceremony that will be over in twenty minutes but little or no time preparing for the marriage which is to last throughout time. The wedding itself which is over in twenty minutes versus the lifelong commitment to the marriage. Among the goals/objectives of premarital counseling is the thorough development of a process or program of “reality testing.”
Hendricks advocates that the pastor hold a minimum of four interviews with the young couple who have requested his services at their proposed marriage. The first session deals with the spiritual andlor Biblical foundation of marriage. The second session following the couple’s visit to a well-qualified obstetrician or gynecologist deals with the Christian interpretation of sex and parenthood. The third session is for planning the actual wedding ceremony. The fourth session (following the honeymoon) would encourage the home or apartment dedication to the Lord, the institution of family worship, etc. The overall and well-stated goal is to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with each couple preparing for marriage and adjusting to marriage.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS – It is, of course, virtually impossible to summarize a week’s work into the compass of one brief and meaningful article. I have tried, however, with the foregoing to give at least a taste of the Congress. There were matters about the Congress and its management that I felt could have been greatly improved. I carried away from the Congress an over-all uneasiness toward what appeared to me to be the emerging evangelical attitude toward divorce and remarriage. An attitude which I believe is an accommodation to our times and all under the guide of God’s grace. The type or music and performance throughout the week (including Pat Boone) left me unfulfilled.
Positively, however, I believe that attendance at the Congress was most worthwhile. Both as a spiritual and a learning experience. The evening address by Dr. Oswald Hoffman, speaker of The Lutheran Hour, on “The Dynamics of Family Unity” was certainly one of the most dynamic and inspiring I have ever heard. Finally, any evangelical attempt that will strengthen the church to meet the needs of the family and the singles, must have our interest, support, and participation. With the Congress we affirm the divine origin of the family, the equality of persons as one in Jesus Christ, and the interdependence of the Christian church and family.
Garrett H. Stoutmeyer, formerly of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, has just recently accepted the call to serve Faith Christian Reformed Church, Grand Rapids, Michigan.